Staying Pure Until Marriage: My Duel With Goliath

Waiting until marriage is REALLY hard.  I grew up in an uber-traditional church, became a Christian when I was seven, had overprotective parents and it was STILL hard.  Now that I am an adult who can do whatever (and whomever) I want, it's a million times harder.  I feel like I am in a daily MMA cage match with Goliath as I constantly battle my libido.  Nonetheless, it is worth it.

As far as I know, I'm the only single male Christian who has made it into their twenties with their virginity intact.  This gives me a platform to preach the gospel that few other Christian young men have.  On top of that, I still have the opportunity to look at my wife on our wedding night and say that I proved my love for Christ by loving and waiting for her before I even met her (that's another thing: you can only truly love your spouse if you love Jesus with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength).  I also have the opportunity to teach my future kids by example that it is possible to honor God through a life of purity.

To be perfectly honest, I believe that God created me primarily for this purpose: to lead people to Christ through staying a virgin until I am married.

It is because I have accepted my calling that the temptations to fall into lust have multiplied.  Now that I have committed wholeheartedly to staying a virgin until marriage, I've received more female attention than ever.  The kind of women who never gave me a second glance in college are now buying me food, flirting with me (including playful touches on my shoulder and arm), and inviting me out for drinks/clubbing/to hang out alone at their place.  To be perfectly honest, if I wound up alone with some of these women and they came on to me, they would probably turn me out and make me look stupid in front of the people I am trying to lead to Christ.  That is why I am fighting tooth and nail not only to stay pure, but to keep out of situations where I would even be tempted to have premarital sex.

I know that it is impossible for me to stay pure on my own.  I am fighting not only these gorgeous playeresses, but also the culture at large, Satan and his demons, and worst off, my own inner lusts.  Nonetheless, I know that with God, all things are possible.  So like King David before me, I shall slay Goliath with only a few stones and a sling.

1 Samuel 17: 45 "David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied." (NIV)           





 

                

How Ellen Burkhardt Shattered The Stereotype Of Christian Female Virginity (Thank God...)

In the churches I have spent most of my life in, this was the unwritten code of conduct for good, virgin Christian girls:
1) Don't talk to boys
2) Don't look at boys
3) In fact, don't talk to anyone who isn't a family member or someone you've known since kindergarten.  Just sit by yourself looking as bored and miserable as possible.

I thought that if I wanted a wife that was sexually pure, then I would have to marry one of these self-righteous zombies (Great..).

Fortunately, I went off to college and met young Christian women who were wise, caring, and really fun to hang out with.  When I read Ellen Burkhardt's article, "When Guys Find Out I'm A Virgin", she reminded me a lot of these God-fearing, totally awesome ladies.  On top of that, her article confirmed a little-known fact about Christian women:

THEY ARE INTERESTED IN SEX, TOO!!!!

The stereotype about Christian women is that they have no knowledge of, interest in, or desire for sex whatsoever and that they only do it if:

1) A heartless, worldly boyfriend bullies or tricks them into it, or
2) They want create the next generation of self-righteous zombies with an equally rigid and dogmatic husband.  (Missionary position only, of course...)   

The reality is that most Christian women find men attractive and also look forward to sexual intimacy in marriage.  While they are more interested in the emotional/relational aspect of sex, they do enjoy the physical acrobatics of it as well.  For this reason, it's hard for Christian women to wait until marriage, too.  That's why I've started praying that Ellen stays strong in her quest to save herself for her husband.

On top of this, her article inspired me to continue my quest to save myself for my wife.  After all, as a future husband, I have the responsibility of leading my future family, and the best way to do that is by example.  So if I expect my future wife to be a virgin, and want my future kids to stay pure for their spouses, I have to do it first.

Check out Ellen's awesome virginity testimony at the link below:

http://www.salon.com/2014/10/06/when_guys_find_out_im_a_virgin/

            




               

Male Cleavage: How To Be A Good Brother In Christ By Being Emotionally Modest

There are thousands of books, e-books, magazine articles, blog posts, etc. on female modesty.  While dressing modestly is no guarantee that a guy won't try to put a girl into a compromising position, a girl is a lot less likely to be harassed or pressured into sex if she wears ladylike attire (and covers up her breasts).  That being said, women are not the only ones who need to be careful about what they do around the opposite gender.  Very often, men do inappropriate things which drive women insane sexually.  This is because there is a little known concept called "male cleavage."

Male cleavage is not a guy walking around showing off his package (something that girls don't particularly care for).  Girls are not turned on by sight nearly as much as they are turned on by SUBTLE touch and relationship. 

In other words, male cleavage is EMOTIONAL and RELATIONAL.

This is why players say "Listening gets you laid."  Because women feed off of emotional intimacy, IT'S TRUE!

A guy that spends a lot of time alone with a girl, letting her confide her darkest secrets and deepest dreams to him night after night, is guilty of male cleavage.  A guy may not realize it, but when he lets a girl constantly do that, it is equivalent to a stacked college babe wearing a low-cut tanktop and bending over in front of him.  What's even more tempting for girls is when guys let them "snuggle in" and cuddle as the confiding occurs.  When a guy does this, it's like that same stacked college babe letting him stick his hands up her shirt to "climb the twin peaks."  And a guy flirting with a girl on top of the confiding/cuddling is the equivalent of that stacked college babe removing her shirt to give a guy an eyeful of "the twin peaks."

And if a girl who is just a "friend" is tempted by things like this, just imagine how the girl who that guy has been dating/courting for six months will react?

(Hint: It involves a lot more curiosity about that guy's "package"...)        

Marty, the male virgin I know, didn't realize this when he started making female friends late in high school.  He basically became a good listener to be nice and didn't think much about hanging out alone with girls, engaging in friendly banter, "innocent" touches on the arm and shoulder, letting them sit on his lap (yeah, Marty was kinda dense), etc.  However, after several years, he started noticing a major trend.

WHENEVER HE DID THIS, HIS FEMALE FRIENDS WOULD START HITTING ON HIM!

The message he was trying to send with his behavior was, "Hey, I'm a nice guy and got your back if you need it."

The message his female friends got was, "Hey, I'm boyfriend material!  Any takers?!"

Not to mention that Marty figured out what guys call "friendly banter" is what girls call FLIRTING!

Look, I'm not saying that guys shouldn't interact with girls at all.  That would be like a guy putting on an emotional burka, which really isn't necessary.  Besides, if a guy is to experience "The Sexual Force Unleashed" and "Romantic World Peace" within marriage, he actually has to get married first, and that requires a certain amount of talking. 

Now, being "emotionally modest" is no guarantee that a guy won't run into girls who try to lure him into a compromising position.  It just means that he will run into them less and encounter the good girls who are marriage material more.  After all, real ladies like a mystery, too.

Guys who want to be sexually pure before marriage will increase their chances of doing so if:

1) They only hang out with girls during group activities (i.e. Pizza and Movie night)
2) They ease up on the "friendly banter"
3) They set clear boundaries on touching (i.e. no late-night "cuddle counseling sessions")
4) They steer a girl to discuss really personal topics (i.e. boyfriend/husband issues) to another girl

In other words, the guy should basically treat girls like they're his sisters.  If he doesn't do anything that he wouldn't do around his sister, then the emotional modesty will take care of itself.

 
   





 





   

Doomsday! Who Is The Villain Of Lust That Can Put You Down?

In the "Death of Superman" graphic novel, the Last Son of Krypton finally meets his match in an unstoppable monstrosity known as Doomsday.  Even though Superman manages to defeat Doomsday and keep him from destroying Metropolis, he does so at the cost of his life.  In a similar manner, every Christian man and woman has a "Doomsday" who can cost them the life of their future marriage by defeating their V-card.  

Now, when I am talking about your own personal Doomsday, I'm not simply describing the smoking hot college babe who is stacked like an Egyptian pyramid or the totally ripped 27-year-old stud who has a package that makes the Titanic look like a rubber ducky.  These type of people really fall under the category of "Kryptonite", because they make you drool/faint whenever they are around, but you don't think about them that much when they're gone.  Your Doomsday is the type of person whom:

1) You obsess over day and night
2) You constantly find excuses to be around
3) You have the kind of fantasies about that would make porn directors/literotica writers think you've gone batcrap crazy
4) If given the right opportunity (or excuse), you would practically swan dive under the sheets with

Whoever your Doomsday is will vary, depending on your personality and background.  Your Doomsday will also be a lot more sophisticated than a dead-sexy twenty-something (although you should be on guard around them, too).  For example, because of the high divorce rate in my country, a lot of young women grew up without their fathers.  Their "Doomsdays" tend to be older men who are unusually empathetic and affirming, a fact which has often been used to exploit them.   

In the case of a young man I know (who will simply be called Marty) his "Doomsday villains" tend to fall into the "best friend's hot older sister" category.  These girls don't even have to actually be related to any of his friends.  They just have to "fit the mold" (i.e. be mature, modest, 4-5 years older, sophisticated, and eager to seduce young men like Marty "on the sly").  So after Marty decided to dedicate himself to a life of purity, guess who came on to him?

THE HOT OLDER SISTER OF ONE OF HIS FRIENDS!!!!

Unfortunately for Marty:
1) His friend was the leader of the church group he was attending
2) The hot, older sister happened to be married

(That's another thing: your fantasies tend to leave out real-life complications such as these which would reveal your sinful desires as stupid, if not downright suicidal). 

Fortunately, Marty did not take the bait.  In fact, Marty doesn't even hang out with that group anymore.

So why is it so important to find out who your "Doomsday villain" is?

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, EITHER THE PLAYERS/PLAYERESSES WHO WANT YOU FOR DINNER OR THE DEMONIC FORCES WHO WANT TO DESTROY YOUR CHRISTIAN WITNESS WILL FIGURE IT OUT, AND THEY WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU!

So basically, you can either figure out what kind of person has the ability to put you down at will, and, through the power of the Holy Spirit, develop protective measures and take evasive action to keep your V-card intact and be a "Superman/Superwoman" of integrity.  Or, you can self-righteously believe that you are immune to temptation, become complacent, and get sexually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually slaughtered by your personal Doomsday.

What will it be, Mr. (or Miss) Kent?   

1 Corinthians 10:12 "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!" (NIV)

 

 





    


       

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: Why I Am So Adamant About Setting Boundaries

Because Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, the wonderful sex drive that God has given us is no longer only triggered by our spouse.  Now, our sex drives are triggered by ANY attractive member of the opposite sex.  I set strong boundaries with my female friends in order to make sure that we stay friends and keep our integrity.  The reason I would like to give for this is that I paid attention to the godly counsel and wisdom of my parents and never veered off the path of righteousness.

The real reason is that when I was in college, I strayed away from God and almost threw away the most valuable gift that anyone can give to their spouse because I was young and stupid.  That close-call scared me back onto the path of righteousness.   

And guess who the girl was?  A female friend from a strict, conservative background who was always dressed head-to-toe, despised alcohol, and, aside from polite greetings, ignored most of the guys she met.  Even though I did find her attractive, she didn't seem interested in me at all, so I didn't even bother asking her out on a date.  I found out that she secretly liked me back MONTHS later when, while watching a movie in her room late at night, we randomly started making out.  I would love to say that, in the heat of the moment, I came to my senses, remembered that I was a virtuous Christian gentleman, and adamantly declined any further misconduct in order to protect my integrity and her honor.

In actuality, I was still drunk from clubbing earlier that night and blurted out that I was saving myself until marriage.  So she went on a guilt trip and decided not to sleep with me. 

Ironically, she cared more about my future wife than I did at the time.  

Leading up to that point, I committed many of the errors in judgment that lead most people to destroy their future marriages before they even begin.  Chiefly, being drunk and spending a lot of time alone with a member of the opposite gender, even someone who was "just a friend."  For that reason, I don't drink anymore, I avoid nightclubs and bars like the plague, and I only hang out with girls during group activities like game night at church young adult groups.  And guess what?  I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A COMPROMISING POSITION SINCE! 

Please understand that I played Russian Roulette and lucked out with an empty chamber.  In spite of committing some serious errors in judgment, I am still a virgin.  In the majority of compromising situations, V-cards get torched, Baby Momma Drama gets started, STDs go "Biological MMA" on private parts, and sexual expectations are set which future spouses can't meet past their twenties (if at all).  Don't play Russian Roulette with your virginity.  Set boundaries with your opposite gender friends.  And, while we're at it, STAY SOBER.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, ² older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."    

  

 
                







 

  

Personal Tragedy Last Week. Thanks For the Condolences And Prayers.

Hello everyone,

I was not able to blog last weekend because of a family tragedy.  I appreciate your understanding and thank you all for your prayers and condolences.   

Free At Last: How Forgiveness Can Provide Escape From Slavery To Sexual Addiction

I have met many girls who were "sexually swindled" by players who manipulated these young ladies by convincing them that they loved them.  In reality, these men only loved their vajayjay and dumped them as soon as they got what they wanted.  On top of that, there is a rising population of playeresses who bleed guys dry as human credit cards with sexual reward points.  Then, like their male counterparts, these women cast these young men aside without remorse.  Many people of my generation are bitter and disillusioned as a result, which has caused them to become addicted to forbidden sexual acts.  Even worse, many of these acts, in addition to self-medication for the pain that they feel, are perverse ways to try to "get even" with the men and women who used them.

"Look at what you are making me do to myself!" These victims scream through their actions, believing that somehow the player/playeress will find out and feel so guilty that they throw themselves headfirst into the Lake of Fire.

In non-sexual areas of my life, I've played this "martyr game" myself, subconsciously believing that the dirtbag who screwed me over would somehow find out and condemn themselves to a life of self-loathing for what they did.  Unfortunately, this is what actually happened:

1) The dirtbag found me
2) The dirtbag screwed me
3) The dirtbag forgot me
4) The dirtbag screwed somebody else over

Look, if some player/playeress used and dumped you, you have every right to hate their guts.  Unfortunately, exercising that particular right will just waste your time because this is how these kind of people operate:

1) The player/playeress screws you
2) The player/playeress dumps you
3) The player/playeress forgets you
4) The player/playeress does the same thing to somebody else

So while you're throwing your chances of experiencing "The Sexual Force Unleashed" and "Romantic World Peace" through a plate-glass window, these scumbags are going along their merry scumbag way, leaving more relational carnage in their wake.  They have no remorse for what they did to you and aren't concerned about how badly they hurt you.  They're too busy screwing other people over to care.

So what do you do if a player/playeress has turned you out and made you feel (and look) stupid?

1)  Turn your entire life, including that past situation, over to Christ.  This is the only way to truly experience freedom and healing.

2) Forgive the player/playeress for using you so that bitterness does not enslave you to a life of forbidden sexual acts.

3) Repent for the forbidden sexual acts that you committed with that player/playeress.  Even though they lied/cheated/manipulated/bribed you, etc., it's important to remember that, if you consented, you are just as responsible for the loss of your V-card as they are.

4) If necessary, seek legal action for child support payments, to get custody of your kids if that person is strung out on drugs, etc.

5) Commit your sexuality to Jesus so that He can transform you into a resurrected virgin and allow you to experience "The Sexual Force Unleashed" and "Romantic World Peace" within a Christ-centered marriage!

Matthew 6:12-13, "Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." (NIV)