Orcas: The Wolves Of The Sea of Love

Think "Great Whites" are the scariest predator in the Sea of Love?  Think again!  In spite of the great P.R. that "Free Willy" gave to killer whales, they have earned their nickname in real life by slaughtering everything in the ocean except for people.  Even then, my uncle, who's a marine biologist, has told me stories about them chasing divers out of the water (think of this as an aquatic predator's version of screaming "Beat it!").  This is why I have nicknamed the second kind of player/playeress the "Orca", because they are the romantic equivalent of the killer whale.

"Free Willy" my butt!  Real Orcas are as savage as wolves, and their player/playeress equivalents are just as ravenous.  Photo from National Geographic: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/wild/videos/clever-killer-whales/

"Great White" players/playeresses hunt virgins through stealth.  "Orca" players/playeresses hunt virgins through aggression and sheer numbers.  What typically happens is that one member of the "pod" (the scientific name for a ravenous wolf-pack of killer whales) picks out the "date" that they want to have for sexual dinner and get their gang to help them corral that individual into a compromising situation.  If the individual is really unfortunate, then other members of the pod will take turns having their way with them when the first Orca is finished, leading to all sorts of drama (and diseases) afterwards.  Orcas typically hunt at high school and college parties, coed sleepovers, nightclubs, and other events where there is a lot of drinking (or worse, drug use) going on.

 From personal experience, Orcas:
-Are usually young (late teens to early twenties)
-Are usually female
-Hunt in "pods" of three or more (if you are really unlucky, the pod can have as many as 15 members!)
-Are usually provocatively dressed, regardless of their gender
-Are very aggressive, flirty and "touchy-feely"
-Are very blunt and direct (asking you if you are single, what turns you on and if you have had any previous carnal experience when they barely know you)
-Are excessively friendly (inviting you to their house, their dorm, or to go clubbing with them when they just met you)
-Are very impatient, so they may try to get you drunk (or high if you're really unlucky) to make the seduction occur faster
-Are willing to resort to peer pressure and bullying if you get try to back out of their carnal schemes

So the next time a bunch of smoking hot babes (or studs if you're a girl) invite you to "hang out", especially to an event with a lot of drinking, BEWARE!  They may be Orcas out to devour the seal of your virginity!
    

Shark Week! Recognizing The First Kind Of Romantic "Apex Predator"

You know how your friends always tell you that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" when it comes to romance (usually after you've been dumped)?  Well, some of those fish are SHARKS!!!!

In other words, you're not a possible spouse to these people.  YOU'RE DINNER!

This is especially true if you are a virgin seeking to stay pure before marriage.  Once you make that decision, every shark in the ocean of love will be trying to take a bite out of your butt.  The most dangerous kind of shark in this particular ocean is the person who I call the "Great White."

Your V-card has a much of a chance of surviving an attack from a "Great White" player/playeress as a seal does against the most vicious shark alive.  Photo from National Geographic: http://voices.nationalgeographic.com/2013/01/31/saving-sharks-one-photo-at-a-time/great-white-shark/

Great Whites are the apex predators of the dating world.  They usually hunt alone, although they sometimes work in pairs.  Like their namesake, they "circle you" by earning your trust and getting you emotionally involved with them.  They pretend to be your greatest confidant, listening patiently as you bare your soul to them, until they finally make a move by inviting you over to their place to "talk."  Then, when you least expect it....

CHOMP!

They sneak attack you from below like a stealthy 21-ft, 3-ton fish monster and, like an unsuspecting seal, your V-card goes flying out of the water in the mouth of their lust a la "Air Jaws."

Here are some common traits of a "Great White":
-They are usually male, although a growing percentage of females (mostly MILFs) are joining their ranks
-They are usually modestly dressed and very subtle so that they don't scare you off
-They are usually older (late twenties/early thirties)
-They are usually overqualified (i.e., a lot better-looking than you, a lot smarter than you, and have a lot more money than you)
-They constantly try to get you alone and are very persistent
-They are very observant and "helpful" (i.e. they offer you gas money or a ride home if you're broke)

So the next time a rich, unusually helpful, highly sophisticated, and dead-sexy woman (or man if you're a woman) shows a lot of interest in you, BEWARE!  They may be a Great White looking for their next meal. 

In my next post, I will discuss the other apex predator of the ocean of love: the Orca