Waiting until marriage is REALLY hard. I grew up in an uber-traditional church, became a Christian when I was seven, had overprotective parents and it was STILL hard. Now that I am an adult who can do whatever (and whomever) I want, it's a million times harder. I feel like I am in a daily MMA cage match with Goliath as I constantly battle my libido. Nonetheless, it is worth it.
As far as I know, I'm the only single male Christian who has made it into their twenties with their virginity intact. This gives me a platform to preach the gospel that few other Christian young men have. On top of that, I still have the opportunity to look at my wife on our wedding night and say that I proved my love for Christ by loving and waiting for her before I even met her (that's another thing: you can only truly love your spouse if you love Jesus with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength). I also have the opportunity to teach my future kids by example that it is possible to honor God through a life of purity.
To be perfectly honest, I believe that God created me primarily for this purpose: to lead people to Christ through staying a virgin until I am married.
It is because I have accepted my calling that the temptations to fall into lust have multiplied. Now that I have committed wholeheartedly to staying a virgin until marriage, I've received more female attention than ever. The kind of women who never gave me a second glance in college are now buying me food, flirting with me (including playful touches on my shoulder and arm), and inviting me out for drinks/clubbing/to hang out alone at their place. To be perfectly honest, if I wound up alone with some of these women and they came on to me, they would probably turn me out and make me look stupid in front of the people I am trying to lead to Christ. That is why I am fighting tooth and nail not only to stay pure, but to keep out of situations where I would even be tempted to have premarital sex.
I know that it is impossible for me to stay pure on my own. I am fighting not only these gorgeous playeresses, but also the culture at large, Satan and his demons, and worst off, my own inner lusts. Nonetheless, I know that with God, all things are possible. So like King David before me, I shall slay Goliath with only a few stones and a sling.
1 Samuel 17: 45 "David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied." (NIV)
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
How Ellen Burkhardt Shattered The Stereotype Of Christian Female Virginity (Thank God...)
In the churches I have spent most of my life in, this was the unwritten code of conduct for good, virgin Christian girls:
1) Don't talk to boys
2) Don't look at boys
3) In fact, don't talk to anyone who isn't a family member or someone you've known since kindergarten. Just sit by yourself looking as bored and miserable as possible.
I thought that if I wanted a wife that was sexually pure, then I would have to marry one of these self-righteous zombies (Great..).
Fortunately, I went off to college and met young Christian women who were wise, caring, and really fun to hang out with. When I read Ellen Burkhardt's article, "When Guys Find Out I'm A Virgin", she reminded me a lot of these God-fearing, totally awesome ladies. On top of that, her article confirmed a little-known fact about Christian women:
THEY ARE INTERESTED IN SEX, TOO!!!!
The stereotype about Christian women is that they have no knowledge of, interest in, or desire for sex whatsoever and that they only do it if:
1) A heartless, worldly boyfriend bullies or tricks them into it, or
2) They want create the next generation of self-righteous zombies with an equally rigid and dogmatic husband. (Missionary position only, of course...)
The reality is that most Christian women find men attractive and also look forward to sexual intimacy in marriage. While they are more interested in the emotional/relational aspect of sex, they do enjoy the physical acrobatics of it as well. For this reason, it's hard for Christian women to wait until marriage, too. That's why I've started praying that Ellen stays strong in her quest to save herself for her husband.
On top of this, her article inspired me to continue my quest to save myself for my wife. After all, as a future husband, I have the responsibility of leading my future family, and the best way to do that is by example. So if I expect my future wife to be a virgin, and want my future kids to stay pure for their spouses, I have to do it first.
Check out Ellen's awesome virginity testimony at the link below:
http://www.salon.com/2014/10/06/when_guys_find_out_im_a_virgin/
1) Don't talk to boys
2) Don't look at boys
3) In fact, don't talk to anyone who isn't a family member or someone you've known since kindergarten. Just sit by yourself looking as bored and miserable as possible.
I thought that if I wanted a wife that was sexually pure, then I would have to marry one of these self-righteous zombies (Great..).
Fortunately, I went off to college and met young Christian women who were wise, caring, and really fun to hang out with. When I read Ellen Burkhardt's article, "When Guys Find Out I'm A Virgin", she reminded me a lot of these God-fearing, totally awesome ladies. On top of that, her article confirmed a little-known fact about Christian women:
THEY ARE INTERESTED IN SEX, TOO!!!!
The stereotype about Christian women is that they have no knowledge of, interest in, or desire for sex whatsoever and that they only do it if:
1) A heartless, worldly boyfriend bullies or tricks them into it, or
2) They want create the next generation of self-righteous zombies with an equally rigid and dogmatic husband. (Missionary position only, of course...)
The reality is that most Christian women find men attractive and also look forward to sexual intimacy in marriage. While they are more interested in the emotional/relational aspect of sex, they do enjoy the physical acrobatics of it as well. For this reason, it's hard for Christian women to wait until marriage, too. That's why I've started praying that Ellen stays strong in her quest to save herself for her husband.
On top of this, her article inspired me to continue my quest to save myself for my wife. After all, as a future husband, I have the responsibility of leading my future family, and the best way to do that is by example. So if I expect my future wife to be a virgin, and want my future kids to stay pure for their spouses, I have to do it first.
Check out Ellen's awesome virginity testimony at the link below:
http://www.salon.com/2014/10/06/when_guys_find_out_im_a_virgin/
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Male Cleavage: How To Be A Good Brother In Christ By Being Emotionally Modest
There are thousands of books, e-books, magazine articles, blog posts, etc. on female modesty. While dressing modestly is no guarantee that a guy won't try to put a girl into a compromising position, a girl is a lot less likely to be harassed or pressured into sex if she wears ladylike attire (and covers up her breasts). That being said, women are not the only ones who need to be careful about what they do around the opposite gender. Very often, men do inappropriate things which drive women insane sexually. This is because there is a little known concept called "male cleavage."
Male cleavage is not a guy walking around showing off his package (something that girls don't particularly care for). Girls are not turned on by sight nearly as much as they are turned on by SUBTLE touch and relationship.
In other words, male cleavage is EMOTIONAL and RELATIONAL.
This is why players say "Listening gets you laid." Because women feed off of emotional intimacy, IT'S TRUE!
A guy that spends a lot of time alone with a girl, letting her confide her darkest secrets and deepest dreams to him night after night, is guilty of male cleavage. A guy may not realize it, but when he lets a girl constantly do that, it is equivalent to a stacked college babe wearing a low-cut tanktop and bending over in front of him. What's even more tempting for girls is when guys let them "snuggle in" and cuddle as the confiding occurs. When a guy does this, it's like that same stacked college babe letting him stick his hands up her shirt to "climb the twin peaks." And a guy flirting with a girl on top of the confiding/cuddling is the equivalent of that stacked college babe removing her shirt to give a guy an eyeful of "the twin peaks."
And if a girl who is just a "friend" is tempted by things like this, just imagine how the girl who that guy has been dating/courting for six months will react?
(Hint: It involves a lot more curiosity about that guy's "package"...)
Marty, the male virgin I know, didn't realize this when he started making female friends late in high school. He basically became a good listener to be nice and didn't think much about hanging out alone with girls, engaging in friendly banter, "innocent" touches on the arm and shoulder, letting them sit on his lap (yeah, Marty was kinda dense), etc. However, after several years, he started noticing a major trend.
WHENEVER HE DID THIS, HIS FEMALE FRIENDS WOULD START HITTING ON HIM!
The message he was trying to send with his behavior was, "Hey, I'm a nice guy and got your back if you need it."
The message his female friends got was, "Hey, I'm boyfriend material! Any takers?!"
Not to mention that Marty figured out what guys call "friendly banter" is what girls call FLIRTING!
Look, I'm not saying that guys shouldn't interact with girls at all. That would be like a guy putting on an emotional burka, which really isn't necessary. Besides, if a guy is to experience "The Sexual Force Unleashed" and "Romantic World Peace" within marriage, he actually has to get married first, and that requires a certain amount of talking.
Now, being "emotionally modest" is no guarantee that a guy won't run into girls who try to lure him into a compromising position. It just means that he will run into them less and encounter the good girls who are marriage material more. After all, real ladies like a mystery, too.
Guys who want to be sexually pure before marriage will increase their chances of doing so if:
1) They only hang out with girls during group activities (i.e. Pizza and Movie night)
2) They ease up on the "friendly banter"
3) They set clear boundaries on touching (i.e. no late-night "cuddle counseling sessions")
4) They steer a girl to discuss really personal topics (i.e. boyfriend/husband issues) to another girl
In other words, the guy should basically treat girls like they're his sisters. If he doesn't do anything that he wouldn't do around his sister, then the emotional modesty will take care of itself.
Male cleavage is not a guy walking around showing off his package (something that girls don't particularly care for). Girls are not turned on by sight nearly as much as they are turned on by SUBTLE touch and relationship.
In other words, male cleavage is EMOTIONAL and RELATIONAL.
This is why players say "Listening gets you laid." Because women feed off of emotional intimacy, IT'S TRUE!
A guy that spends a lot of time alone with a girl, letting her confide her darkest secrets and deepest dreams to him night after night, is guilty of male cleavage. A guy may not realize it, but when he lets a girl constantly do that, it is equivalent to a stacked college babe wearing a low-cut tanktop and bending over in front of him. What's even more tempting for girls is when guys let them "snuggle in" and cuddle as the confiding occurs. When a guy does this, it's like that same stacked college babe letting him stick his hands up her shirt to "climb the twin peaks." And a guy flirting with a girl on top of the confiding/cuddling is the equivalent of that stacked college babe removing her shirt to give a guy an eyeful of "the twin peaks."
And if a girl who is just a "friend" is tempted by things like this, just imagine how the girl who that guy has been dating/courting for six months will react?
(Hint: It involves a lot more curiosity about that guy's "package"...)
Marty, the male virgin I know, didn't realize this when he started making female friends late in high school. He basically became a good listener to be nice and didn't think much about hanging out alone with girls, engaging in friendly banter, "innocent" touches on the arm and shoulder, letting them sit on his lap (yeah, Marty was kinda dense), etc. However, after several years, he started noticing a major trend.
WHENEVER HE DID THIS, HIS FEMALE FRIENDS WOULD START HITTING ON HIM!
The message he was trying to send with his behavior was, "Hey, I'm a nice guy and got your back if you need it."
The message his female friends got was, "Hey, I'm boyfriend material! Any takers?!"
Not to mention that Marty figured out what guys call "friendly banter" is what girls call FLIRTING!
Look, I'm not saying that guys shouldn't interact with girls at all. That would be like a guy putting on an emotional burka, which really isn't necessary. Besides, if a guy is to experience "The Sexual Force Unleashed" and "Romantic World Peace" within marriage, he actually has to get married first, and that requires a certain amount of talking.
Now, being "emotionally modest" is no guarantee that a guy won't run into girls who try to lure him into a compromising position. It just means that he will run into them less and encounter the good girls who are marriage material more. After all, real ladies like a mystery, too.
Guys who want to be sexually pure before marriage will increase their chances of doing so if:
1) They only hang out with girls during group activities (i.e. Pizza and Movie night)
2) They ease up on the "friendly banter"
3) They set clear boundaries on touching (i.e. no late-night "cuddle counseling sessions")
4) They steer a girl to discuss really personal topics (i.e. boyfriend/husband issues) to another girl
In other words, the guy should basically treat girls like they're his sisters. If he doesn't do anything that he wouldn't do around his sister, then the emotional modesty will take care of itself.
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