Sunday, March 31, 2019

She's Not The One Post #6: Captain Morgan And Nic O'Tine Are Her BFFs

NEVER. EEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER. MARRY. AN. ADDICT.

An addict is anyone who uses anything other than a relationship with Jesus Christ to make themselves feel pleasure.  These things include:

-Alcohol
-Cigarettes
-Drugs (Including Weed)
-Excessive use of prescription meds and painkillers
-Porn (This includes "Fifty Shades of Grey")
-Masturbation
-Excessive or perverted sexual activity (which is anything outside of a one-man, one-woman marriage, anything which is violent, anything that involves multiple partners or swinging, anything that involves shaky electronic devices, anything that occurs during her "time of the month", and anything that involves sticking things where the sun don't shine)
-Hobbies/work indulged in excess (including sports, shopping, social media and video games)
-Food and drink indulged in excess

Remember, an addict's vice is their idol.  It's more important to them than Jesus Christ is.  And if they put it before Jesus, they will put it before you and your marriage! 

Don't try to save them.  You're job is not to be Dr. Phil.  You're job is to glorify and honor Jesus Christ, and to do that, you must marry a godly, sober-minded woman who puts Him above all else.  That way, you both can have a Christ-centered, one-man, one-woman marriage, and lead people to surrender to Jesus Christ so that He will spare them from an eternity of torture and suffering in the Lake of Fire.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.*

*Romans 6:23





Saturday, March 30, 2019

She's Not The One Post #5: She Lives In A Casino

IT. IS. NOT. WRONG. TO. BE. RICH!!!!!!

AND. IT. IS. NOT. WRONG. FOR. A. WOMAN. TO. MARRY. RICH!!!!!!

But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.*

In other words, it is wrong to be GREEDY, and a woman who's SOLE PURPOSE for marrying a man is his wealth is GREEDY.  Greed is the worship of wealth, making "gods" out of gold, silver, Iphones, mansions, fancy restaurants, etc.  None of these things are bad in and of themselves.  But if you treat them as "gods", then you will go insane.  

And if this is what the woman you love does, she will go insane, too.

So if the woman you like is a gambler, a swindler, a gold-digger, goes shopping every single day, and her bffs are credit cards, DUMP HER!  Your marriage won't last.  In my country, if you marry her, her debt becomes yours!  Why should you bail her own of her self-inflicted bankruptcy?  And if you work overseas, be especially wary.  While there are Cinderellas out there (women of integrity who come from humble origins), you also run into a lot of Ursulas (women who pretend to love you because they want to spend your money).  Like their male counterparts, Ursulas are self-centered and traitorous.  If they find someone richer than you, they'll drop you.  If they spend all your money and get you into debt, they'll drop you.  That ring you put on their finger won't stop them.  The number one sign a woman (regardless of which country she is from) is an Ursula is that she is MUCH YOUNGER THAN YOU AND SMOKING HOT!  Here are some realistic guidelines when it comes to marrying a Cinderella in her twenties:

If you are 20-29: Possible, if you stay focused on Jesus Christ.
If you are 30-35: Less likely, but it's happened.
If you are 35-39: Bro, you're reaching...
If you are 40+: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

In other words, if you are over 30 and lots of smoking hot women in their twenties are chasing you around, the majority of them are Ursulas who want your money!  

So in order to make sure you don't get fleeced, ask Jesus Christ whether or not you should pursue a particular woman, ESPECIALLY a much younger, smoking hot woman.  He'll let you know if she is a Cinderella or an Ursula, and give you the thumbs-up or thumbs-down.  When you marry a woman who is responsible with money, and loves you to glorify and honor Christ, then you will work together to form a Christ-centered, one-man, one-woman marriage.  Then you will lead others to completely and unconditionally surrender to Jesus Christ so that He will spare them from the Lake of Fire.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.**

*1 Timothy 6: 9-10 (ESV)
**Romans 6:23 (ESV)

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

She's Not The One Post #4: She's Allergic To Clothing

Vanity is an equal opportunity employer.  Anyone (male or female) who likes to show off their body in public is doing it FOR. THE.  ATTENTION!!!!

Obviously, a woman isn't easy just because she doesn't dress like Mother Teresa.  That being said, a woman who walks around in yoga pants and posts belfies on Instagram is probably the same as the men who follow her (online and in-person): of inferior moral caliber.  And quite frankly, it's not because they are insecure.  It's actually the opposite: they have TOO MUCH self-esteem.

In math terms, too much self-esteem = arrogance.

Arrogance + marriage = your wife divorcing you to sleep with a man half your age when you get love handles.

So find a woman who is modest.  I want to make it clear that modest does not always mean pure.  Sometimes, it is a trick used by Apex Predators so they can attract and bed Christian men.  However, modesty is a great sign of a woman who is HUMBLE.

In math terms, humble = low maintenance.

Low maintenance + marriage = your wife still riding you when you are 85 years old.  Age is just a number when Jesus Christ is supernaturally empowering your sex life.*

On top of that, people (both male and female) who are humble tend to watch their diet and exercise.  Nobody stays 21 forever BUT it's been scientifically proven that diet and exercise can significantly delay the aging process.

Not to mention that humble women can spot a male gold-digger a mile off and steer clear of them.**  Loyalty is a trait valued by the humble.

Immodesty is bad fruit, and you need to pay attention so that you don't get royally screwed in divorce court later. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.*** So if the woman you are interested in looks like she is a nudist in training, BEWARE!  She only cares about her body being worshiped by others, and idolatry and Christ-centered marriage don't mix.  If you marry someone like this, it will be nearly impossible for you two to lead others to surrender to Jesus Christ so that they can be saved from an eternity in the Lake of Fire.  So recognize the good fruit of the humble, and marry a woman who puts Jesus Christ before her own desires (like you should be doing).  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.****




*Jesus Christ will only do this if you and your spouse are keeping your sex life within the confines of a Christ-centered, one-man, one-woman marriage.

**Humble, mature people recognize the truth about temptation: that if a younger, more attractive individual corners them in a hotel room and comes on to them, they're toast.  So they are smart enough not to give the Big Game Hunter the opportunity: when it comes to purity, to borrow a quote from The Karate Kid 2, "Best block is no be there."

***Matthew 7:18 (ESV)

**** Romans 6:23 (ESV)

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

She;s Not The One Post #3: She Doesn't Want Kids

"A weapons' company that doesn't make weapons?!" Jim Cramer flipped out in his cameo in Iron Man 1 when he found out Stark Industries was shutting down it's bread-and-butter product, weapons.  Then he urged everyone to sell the stock.

Now, in context, Tony Stark (played expertly by Robert Downey, Jr.), had good reasons for doing this.  But when it comes to practical application, a company that doesn't do what it is designed to do is a failure!  Imagine going into a McDonald's and hearing them say:

"Sorry, we don't make Big Macs anymore.  It takes too long and it's too oppressive.  But you can pay us for one anyway and take selfies in our lobby."

You'd probably leave and go to Burger King. 

It's just as absurd to marry a woman who doesn't want kids.  That's like paying a McDonald's  to just sit in the lobby and take selfies.  Contrary to popular belief, Jesus Christ didn't give women breasts so that their beau can motorboat them, nor did He give the fairer sex periods so that the employees of Always and Kotex could have job security.  He did it because He gave women the honor and responsibility of childbirth*!

"But that's sexist!"

No, it's not.  Motherhood is actually very good on-the-job training if a woman decides to have a career in her chosen field at a later date, and she can complete her undergraduate and master's degree long before her fertility peaks in her late twenties. 

Having been a manager, I can vouch for the former since many of my former employees acted like preschool children.  Wait, scratch that.  Preschool children actually follow directions if you ask them enough times.

Anyways, children are a blessing from Jesus Christ and anyone (male or female) who chooses not to have them is:

1)Selfish
2) Vain
3) Immature
4) Irresponsible

Gee, those are great qualities for a spouse to have...NOT!

Just remember: Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.**

In other words, a woman who doesn't want kids IS LIKE A WEAPONS' COMPANY THAT DOESN'T MAKE WEAPONS!

Don't buy stock in that company by marrying it, and don't pay McDonald's staff if they won't make you a Big Mac.  Find a woman who is selfless, humble, mature, and responsible, and marry her, and have children with her AFTER you tie the knot.  Then you can preach the gospel by raising a loving family, and show people Jesus Christ so that they can surrender to Him and be saved from the Lake of Fire.  

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.***





*For that matter, that's the real reason Jesus Christ designed the donk: carrying a baby around for nine months of a time requires quite a bit of hip-strength.

**Psalms 127:4 (ESV)

***Romans 6:23 (ESV)

She's Not The One Post #2: She Doesn't Respect Her Father

If a woman doesn't respect her father, then SHE WON'T RESPECT YOU!

Until a girl hits puberty, her father (assuming she was blessed with one that didn't ditch her family), is her hero.  He sets the standard for what kind of man she will marry one day.  More importantly, he is the one who teaches her what is and isn't ok to say or do to a man.  So if her dad is a wimp who gives her everything she wants, no matter how much she abuses him, guess what message she receives?

IT'S OK TO TREAT HER HUSBAND THE SAME WAY.

Big problem since for the marriage to work, she's supposed to submit* to you, and you are supposed to love her enough to die for her:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."  (Ephesians 5:22, ESV). 
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25, ESV)

Rest assured, if she bullies her father, she will bully you.  Bullying and submitting don't mix.  Then you will stop loving her, and the situation will get worse until your whole marriage crumbles.  Because either she will lose so much respect for you that she dumps you, or you will get tired of getting kicked around and ragequit the marriage yourself.  And if you have kids, things will get very messy, very quickly.  Think of a mini-version of the U.S. Civil War and your children as the emotional casualties. 

So even if she claims to be a Christian, look at how she treats her father.  She doesn't have to like him, but she does have to love and respect him.  Remember: your marriage needs to be a clear reflection of God's Triune Nature, so that you can preach the gospel and people can surrender to Jesus Christ and be saved from the Lake of Fire. 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.**  

*Submit does not mean subject yourself to threatening, violent, or sexually degrading behavior.  If you are in this situation, MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY.  Biblically, divorce is not permitted for abuse (only adultery), but legal separation is perfectly fine. 

**Romans 6:23 (ESV)


Sunday, March 24, 2019

She's Not The One Post #1: She's Not A Slave Of Christ

Slaves of Christ should only marry slaves of Christ.  Even though I have never been married, I learned this the hard way when I pursued relationships with unbelievers in the not-so-distant past.  It's very tempting when you meet an unbelieving woman who is young, beautiful, intelligent, kind, and humorous to bend the rules and missionary date.  Don't do it.  It will be worse than Batman marrying Talia Al'Ghul in Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight Rises."  You defected from the real, Satanic "League of Shadows" when you surrendered to Christ.  The unbelieving woman has not.  That means you and a woman who has not completely and unconditional surrendered to Christ ARE IMMORTAL ENEMIES.  

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? *

We cannot preach the gospel by defending Christ-centered, one-man, one-woman marriages if we are banging people who hate Jesus!  Remember, we have defected, and we aren't evil anymore.  Christ changed us when we surrendered to Him.  So that others can experience the same transformation, and salvation from the Lake of Fire, we must only marry women who have also chosen to leave Satan's kingdom of darkness for Christ's kingdom of Light.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.*


*2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

*Romans 6:23 (ESV)

Saturday, March 23, 2019

BAD NEWS: You Are Your Coworkers' Enemy!

Slaves of Christ know the truth: that only submission to Jesus Christ leads to escape from the Lake of Fire, and sharing in His victory.  Everyone else believes that whoever dies with the most toys wins (the title of "most pious, self-denying, and transcendent individual" is also a toy).  Due to this, from the perspective of your coworkers, YOU ARE AN ENEMY!

This doesn't mean you can't build healthy relationships and friendships in the office.  However, it does mean that those will be few and far between.  This will especially be the case when you become the top performer in the office.  Being the top performer in the office (whichever field you are in), makes you the UFC champion, and when that happens, YOU WILL BE A MARKED MAN/WOMAN! 

Many of these people will try to get you fired.  In some areas of the world, some will try to get you arrested, deported or executed. 

This will be especially the case if people find out you are a slave of Christ.  Ruthlessly ambitious people hate Jesus Christ.  They want to be their own "gods."   

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16, ESV)

In order to survive, you must pray, read your Bible, and seek out other sincere, authentic believers.  You must also guard your heart and root out all sin so that you don't give your enemies the tools they need to destroy you.  These things are essential in order to ensure that you can earn true rewards in eternity, and lead others to Christ so that they can escape from the Lake of Fire.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.*  

*Romans 6:23 (ESV)




Thursday, March 21, 2019

BAD NEWS: People Don't Always Tell The Truth

The only man who will always tell you the truth is Jesus Christ.

Almost everyone else is a LIAR, and those rare people who don't lie do other evil things. 
That means that, as you seek a godly spouse, you will run into lots of people who are FAKES.  These are the dating equivalent of antichrists.  They will COPY aspects of Jesus so that they can trick you into being a relationship with you, and pretend to be loving, just, and pious.  However, that's all it is: A TRICK!  They only care about getting what they want, which is normally:

1) Your money
2) Your body

So how do you tell if you are getting hosed by a dating antichrist? It's very simple.  Present them to Jesus Christ and ask Him if they are the one.  He'll give you a thumbs up or thumbs down.  It's that simple.  (Hint, if that person is already married, or is not of the complementary gender, then the answer is an automatic thumbs down!)

And if He gives you a thumbs-down, DUMP THEM!

In order to effectively preach the gospel, you must reflect Christ in your relationships.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.*

*Romans 6:23 (ESV)