Long Live The Future King and Queen of England!

Hello everyone!

Today I woke up extra early to watch the royal wedding. It was totally worth it. I've been looking forward to watching it for days. I mean, seriously! A woman from a self-made family falls in love and gets to marry a prince in real life! How cool is that? On top of that, I've read a lot of good things about Prince William, from him serving in the military to sneaking out and sleeping on the streets of London to understand the plight of the poor. I will be praying that they have a wonderful marriage.

There was also a bit of humor at this historic, enchanting event, which occurred at the most important part: the kiss. I actually was bummed out, because I thought I had missed it. However, I then found out that they weren't actually going to kiss until they arrived at Buckingham Palace. When it finally happened, I applauded and whooped from the seat of my couch. Then I laughed when Piers Morgan and his fellow reporters got into an argument over the couple's kiss.

"It was a great kiss!" Piers said emphatically, "It was a great, big juicy smacker!"

I personally agreed with Piers, but his fellow reporters were not impressed, and neither was the crowd in attendance.

"Kiss again! Kiss again!" They chanted.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge obliged, and indeed, the second kiss was even better. It was a fitting end to a celebration that boasted the kind of class and fanfare that only the British could truly pull off.

To all my readers and friends, I wish you all a Happy Royal Wedding Day, and God bless Prince William and Princess Kate!

*The picture used is from Yahoo!News. I claim no rights of ownership over the image and am posting it for the fair use purpose of commentary only.

Writing Tip Wednesday #6: Talk the Talk

The dialogue of your story will probably be what your readers remember the most. It is the chief way to reveal the heart of the characters, a vivid way to show off the setting, and key to setting up the action sequences. That is why you want to make sure that it is interesting and properly utilized. Many books I have read failed at this because either:
1) The dialogue was full of cliches
2) There wasn't enough of it
3) There was too much of it
4) It was absurd/unbelievable/gross

So what is the solution to avoiding those pitfalls. Basically, do the opposite of what was described above.
1) Use original and vivid dialogue. If you are writing sci-fi/fantasy, really work hard at creating slang to expand and grow your reader's mind and imagination. If you are writing realistic/historical fiction, you have a tougher job to do, but try to utilize the lesser known dialects of the place you are writing about for some local flavor.
2) Use enough of the dialogue to keep the story moving. If no one has said anything for two pages and the setting has been described all the way down to how the light glimmers off the wings of the fly eating the protagonist's cheesecake, it's time to ditch the awkward pause and make the characters say something.
3) At the same time, don't bore the reader witless with a character who is a blabbermouth, blowhard, or chatterbox. In particular, if you are ramming a worldview down someone's throat (even if it's a Christian worldview), you are asking to be thrown into the trash can. Use pointed, insightful words to get your point across and don't beat your subjects to death. If you need to use a Mongol warrior or car chase to knock your protagonist off their high horse so you can move the story forward, so be it.
4) Be tasteful. Don't throw in the foulest, grossest words you can think of just to shock your reader. Those who are decent human beings will eventually toss your book (and lose their lunch) and those who aren't will get bored once they get their cheap thrill and move on to the next perverted book. Neither will be likely to return to read your story again. Think of it this way: who gets married in the end? The fun, kind, interesting, and decent girl, or the floozie who is drunk and strung out on drugs all the time? The hardworking, adventurous, ambitious young man with a career and a house or the bad boy who is always in and out of jail (and his mother's house)? Just like dating, readers ultimately always want the book that is enjoyable and has a good heart. So ditch the leather jacket and the tube top and wear a dress shirt or a nice blouse for a change, eh? Keep your dialogue clean and fun.

Writing Tip Wednesday #5: Drive Your Plot With Conflict

If you want an interesting plot, conflict is essential. Whether you are creating a comic book or an epic series of novels, you are going to need it. Not only must it be believable, but it should also be appropriate for your target audience. For example, it's best not to use a dark, psychological conflict between a repentant assassin and his sadistic, serial-killing ex-girlfriend for a children's book. Likewise, you would be better off not having a bunch of cute little bunny-wunny wizards face off against an adorably wicked warlock kitty in your story if you are writing for teenagers or college students. You need to adapt your conflict so that your audience will actually enjoy reading your story.

There are four basic types of conflict, which are as follows:

Man vs. Man: This is the most common one. One hero faces off against a villain with the stakes ranging from a sports' trophy, a girlfriend, perhaps even the universe.

Example: Bryon's conflict with his best friend, Mark, in "That was Then, This Is Now" by S.E. Hinton.

Man vs. Society: The hero faces off against their family, their culture, or their country. Often, it is in defiance of racism, class warfare, and religious intolerance.

Example: Huckleberry Finn having to decide whether or not he'll turn in his friend Jim, a runaway slave in "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain.

Man vs. Nature/Science: The hero takes on wild beasts, natural disasters, supernatural beings, or technological forces run amok.

Example: "I, Robot" by Isaac Asimov, in which the scientists need to deal all the mishaps that result from their mechanical creations.

Man vs. Self: The hero battles the darkness within, trying to overcome a side of themself that, if left unchecked, will ultimately destroy them. This is the rarest type of conflict in storytelling and the hardest one to write about.

Example: Spiderman's struggle with his thirst for revenge in "Spiderman 3."

There are infinite ways you can use each one of the above conflicts in your story. The key is to use the one that not only fits your genre of writing, but pushes it to a whole new level. Don't just fit into the mold. Learn it and break it!

Movie Review: Arthur

Abstract: Arthur must choose between inheriting $950,000 at the cost of marrying a ruthless businesswoman, or pursuing the aspiring author whom he loves and losing his entire fortune.

Pros:

-The movie was ridiculously funny. The most hilarious scene was Susan's drunken attempt to seduce author when Naomi came over to visit. Other great scenes were the book signing near the end, the engagement photoshoot and date night at Grand Central, which you must see to believe.

-Great acting from Russell Brand as Arthur, Jennifer Garner as Susan, and Helen Mirren as Hobson. Greta Gerwig gave a heroic effort with what she had to work with as Naomi, which really wasn't much. Luis Guzman and Nick Nolte were hilarious in minor roles.

-The plot was great, with an ending that was more sobering than expected, literally. Also, the use of "The Frog and the Toad" for Arthur and Naomi's relationship was a nice touch.

Cons:

-The humor got excessively crude at times.
-Naomi's character came across as really cliche. She was a free spirit who aspired to write children's books. Dull.
-Arthur makes a wisecrack about nails making Jesus famous.
-Mild swearing, some from the mouths of little kids.

Overall: Excellent. An absolutely hilarious movie.

Return of the Movie Critic!

I'm going to be doing movie reviews again. I found a cheap theatre in my area where I can watch new releases for $5.00 before 6:00 on Saturdays and my library has a fairly decent dvd collection. Doing this is going to be my reward for working on "Project Tarsus", during the week. My review of "Arthur", will be posted tomorrow. However, in the future, the reviews will be posted on the weekends.

Writing Tip Wednesday #4: Explore Your World

Whether it is a real place (such as Oklahoma, where "The Outsiders" takes place), or a fictional world (such as Tatooine), the setting is where your characters live and where they develop much of their personality. Therefore, you need to know it inside and out. If it is a real place, the best way to do this is to visit and observe the area. Some authors go as far as to deliberately get lost in their locale, and try to find their way back to their hotel so that they get a good sense of it. However, if your finances are limited, less adventurous, or you are writing about a place in a previous era, it would be more practical to go to the library and do some serious research. In particular, find books with lots of photographs, and make copies of them which you can take home and keep with your notes. If you are making your setting up, draw detailed maps. Don't worry if they don't look like an artistic masterpiece. You are trying to develop a story, not get an A in art class. Additionally, draw sketches of what the people wear, what kind of creatures live there, and what the buildings and landscape look like. To go even further, make notes on the government, the social hierarchy, the local cuisine, how the world's magic/technology works (if applicable), the people's religions and mythology, etc. The key thing is to be consistent and detailed. Describe your setting so vividly that the reader actually lives in it as they read your story. If you do this properly, they'll never want to leave.

Writing Tip Wednesday #3: Know Your Characters

If you want people to read your stories, having excellent characters is a must. It doesn't matter if they are as simple as Luke Skywalker from "Star Wars" or as complex as Frodo from "Lord of the Rings." Your reader needs to care about them, or your story is going to the trash can. There are several ways to create engaging characters and all of them involve developing them to the point where you can put them in any situation and know exactly what they will do. The easiest way is to do this is to create a character profile. Basically, you create a list of their physical and personality traits, starting from the basics such as their hair and eye color to advanced traits such as their deepest, darkest fears and desires (and trust me, the deeper and darker they are, the better, as long as they aren't simply there for shock value). I personally don't use this method because when I actually write my stories, the characters gain "free will", so to speak, and chuck most of my diligent research out the window. The hardest way to create engaging characters is to write the story out from start to finish and go back and study the character's traits. Then you pick the ones you like and use those as a foundation to build the character. I use this method sometimes, but while it works for short stories, it is not practical when it comes to novel-length tales. That's why I personally prefer to write several short scenes about the character first. Then I reread them, choose the most consistent traits displayed, and create a character profile. That way, I allow my characters to come to life without having to rein them in after they've run amok across a 250-page manuscript. Regardless of the method that you use, the key thing is that you get to know your character as well as possible. Through getting to know them, you will come to care about them, and will be excited to see what happens to them. If you, the author, are excited to see what happens to your characters, just imagine how excited your readers will be...

My New Calling...

Hello everyone!

I have some good news. After my skills in writing got me published, I explored a new avenue of creativity: music. I was shocked at how quickly I was able to adapt my talent to instruments and creating song lyrics. For that reason, I discovered my true calling: to be a Christian bluegrass artist! That's right. I'm trading in the pen and paper for the banjo and fiddle and going to Kentucky to start my music career. However, before I close this blog down to focus on my new calling in life, I would like for all of you to vote on my band's name from the following list:

The April Fool's Quartet

The "I got you good" Boys

And, last, but not least, the "I can't believe you fell for it" Banjo Orchestra!

Prank responsibly, my friends, and stick with what you love, as long as it's legal, ethical, and healthy!