Friday, July 31, 2015

Orcas: The Wolves Of The Sea of Love

Think "Great Whites" are the scariest predator in the Sea of Love?  Think again!  In spite of the great P.R. that "Free Willy" gave to killer whales, they have earned their nickname in real life by slaughtering everything in the ocean except for people.  Even then, my uncle, who's a marine biologist, has told me stories about them chasing divers out of the water (think of this as an aquatic predator's version of screaming "Beat it!").  This is why I have nicknamed the second kind of player/playeress the "Orca", because they are the romantic equivalent of the killer whale.


"Free Willy" my butt!  Real Orcas are as savage as wolves, and their player/playeress equivalents are just as ravenous.  Photo from National Geographic: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/wild/videos/clever-killer-whales/

"Great White" players/playeresses hunt virgins through stealth.  "Orca" players/playeresses hunt virgins through aggression and sheer numbers.  What typically happens is that one member of the "pod" (the scientific name for a ravenous wolf-pack of killer whales) picks out the "date" that they want to have for sexual dinner and get their gang to help them corral that individual into a compromising situation.  If the individual is really unfortunate, then other members of the pod will take turns having their way with them when the first Orca is finished, leading to all sorts of drama (and diseases) afterwards.  Orcas typically hunt at high school and college parties, coed sleepovers, nightclubs, and other events where there is a lot of drinking (or worse, drug use) going on.

 From personal experience, Orcas:
-Are usually young (late teens to early twenties)
-Are usually female
-Hunt in "pods" of three or more (if you are really unlucky, the pod can have as many as 15 members!)
-Are usually provocatively dressed, regardless of their gender
-Are very aggressive, flirty and "touchy-feely"
-Are very blunt and direct (asking you if you are single, what turns you on and if you have had any previous carnal experience when they barely know you)
-Are excessively friendly (inviting you to their house, their dorm, or to go clubbing with them when they just met you)
-Are very impatient, so they may try to get you drunk (or high if you're really unlucky) to make the seduction occur faster
-Are willing to resort to peer pressure and bullying if you get try to back out of their carnal schemes

So the next time a bunch of smoking hot babes (or studs if you're a girl) invite you to "hang out", especially to an event with a lot of drinking, BEWARE!  They may be Orcas out to devour the seal of your virginity!